When my ophthalmologist told me in December that my glaucoma had progressed to 50% damage in my right eye and that surgery was the only option to prevent blindness, I was gripped by panic. The thought of losing my vision was overwhelming.
To understand what blindness might feel like, I walked around my home with a blindfold. The experience was sobering—I wasn’t okay with it. My left eye, which was supposedly the “healthier” one, was also showing signs of trouble: vitreous detachment and the early onset of cataracts. Denial crept in. How could this happen now, just as my career in visual work was thriving?
Anger followed. I was angry at the doctor for not having better solutions, at myself for not taking better care of my eyes, and at the universe for delivering a challenge that struck at the core of my identity. Why couldn’t it be a bad knee or hip—anything unrelated to my work?
Then I realized the truth: the universe had chosen this challenge for a reason. My vision, both physical and metaphorical, needed my full attention.
Choosing Action
Determined to regain control, I overhauled my lifestyle. I embraced an anti-inflammatory diet, eliminated coffee, sugar, and alcohol, and detoxed my body. I meditated, repeated affirmations, and explored alternative therapies. I even worked with a therapist to reframe my mindset and created neurographic art to rewire my brain.
But the more I did, the more pressure I put on myself to achieve this new goal: to heal my eyes. I’m a natural problem-solver and overachiever, someone who thrives on action and results. Surely, I could solve the challenge of my diminishing eyesight using the same creative strategies I’d taught others to tackle complex problems.
Yet, as I pushed harder, a realization dawned: was the high pressure in my eyes a reflection of the pressure I placed on myself? Could reducing the stress I imposed on myself help ease the physical strain?
Discovering the Power of the Pause
Despite my doctor’s urgency to schedule surgery, I honored my plans for a winter holiday in Mexico, hoping the ocean air and warm sunshine might help heal my eyes. I brought my eye drops, a tentative surgery date, and an intention to rest.
At first, slowing down felt unnatural. I had always thrived on productivity and action, but now I resolved to embrace stillness. I limited screen time, postponed teaching commitments, and gave myself permission to simply be.
As I sat by the ocean, watched the waves, and joined yoga classes, I began to notice subtle but profound shifts. In yoga, my teacher pointed out that I was leading with my head—literally. My posture placed unnecessary stress on my neck and head, exacerbating my eye pain. She encouraged me to lead with my chest, to let my heart guide me.
The shift was profound. Within days, my eye pain vanished.
Seeing Clearly with Spirit Eyes
As I paused, I began to see myself more clearly. My constant striving—rooted in a “fixer” mindset—was wearing me down. This challenge with my physical sight felt like an invitation to develop spiritual sight instead.
I started to ask Spirit what my eyes needed and began listening to my body in a new way. I thanked my eyes for their service and asked for guidance. The pause stripped away distractions, allowing me to confront the illusions I had built around my identity.
I realized how much of my self-worth was tied to being a “Creative Visual Superstar.” The drive for success had overshadowed the joy I once found in art and creativity. Even sketching in my new sketchbook felt like an obligation. So, I let it all go.
Embracing the Present
Now, I am learning to let go of obligations and focus on what brings me joy in the moment. I am cultivating a deeper connection with my body, appreciating its imperfections, and trusting in its intelligence to heal when I stop forcing outcomes.Instead of striving to heal my eyes, I now approach this pause with curiosity and surrender. “How might I make this pause delicious and fun?”
This pause has reminded me that our inner world shapes our outer reality. By letting go of expectations, I’m finding peace, gratitude, and a renewed sense of wonder.
My diamond is being polished. I’m opening my inner eye of wisdom and seeing myself and the world in a new light, and for that, I am grateful.
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